How to develop healthy relationships This week you got to focus on making your relationship last. In the get-to-know the person category, you must consider the family of origin and the person's own actions and attitudes. Next you seek to discover compatibility in the areas of personality, values, and lifestyle.
You ask the question of compatibility. The prevalent cultural norm is to live together first and discover compatibilty before even considering marriage. Yet God's word states that God intended marriage to be a lifetime commitment between one man and one woman where they are no longer two persons, but one flesh (Genesis 2:24). God instituted this marriage covenant. He expects commitment prior to marriage. In the ancient near east, marriages were arranged. Man and wife were put together by families. God spoke into that culture and shared how things were intended to occur. One man and one woman would become one flesh. Compatibility was no concern. Yet today it is a significant issue--in fact, you look at eharmony and compatibility is a major concern. So rather than disregard compatibility you can include it in the process of making a marital commitment to someone.
You were shown three areas to consider: personality, values, and lifestyle. For personality, the points to consider were intelligence, emotional styles, energy levels, chemistry, openness and expression of confession, and sense of humor. Each point has a range of possibilities, discover where you are and where the person you like may fit. I wonder if you have questions like these to consider when pondering who to be with for the rest of your life. It's important to consider these prior to beginning any relationship. In my opinion, you need to at least think through each point with a parent(s) or with friends. Personality is the first point of compatibility.
The next one is values . What values are most important to you? Three you need to conider are spiritual values, family values, and material values. How important is spiritual life to you? How critical is it for you to have a small or large family? How significant is it that you make lots of money or just enough money? Questions like these you need to ask and you need to answer. What is most important to you?
The last area of compatibility to consider is lifestyle. Work ethic, leisure interests, and recreation fall under this category. It matters if you are highly motivated and someone else is not. It matters if you like being with family and people and your lifemate is not--more of a loner. It matters if you enjoy non-active recreational pursuits whereas your lifemate is an action-sports fanatic who participates in races and competition. Assess your lifestyle and measure it with your lifemate. Are you both willing to commit to life together in spite of the small similarities or wide differences? Is your lifestyles compatible?
Compatibility gave way to a brief overview of evaluating your past relationships. Ponder the past relationship patterns of you and your present love interest. Do detective work and ask the hard questions.
Lastly, gather relationship communication skills. Mrs. Feusse shared how you must cultivate better listening and speaking skills. Don't merely repeat the facts but figure out the feelings involved with the facts. You need to be better communicators. I need to be a better communicator. God's word gives us insight, "Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God (James 1:20). Moreover, "Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)." These skills will improve any relationship. Everyone would do well to improve listening and speaking skills.
Mrs. Wendy Feusse and I trust you will use this relationhsip tool to develop healthy and godly relationships in your life. May God bring you great relationships to surround you when poor relationships occur.
Pastor D
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